Poemas 4

Smiling trough tears

The feeling of smiling trough tears
comes so suddenly and then disappears
with sounds that arrive reaching my ears
so smooth and peaceful to hide my fears.
And nothing, just nothing stays the same,
each day is one day and a single game,
even though Nietzsche’s idea of “eternal came”
one second is gone, the next is dropping rain.
So we have one life and no present to try,
just some coming future to smile and to cry
but if time is so rare, why do I keep so shy?
reason is not always right. Sometimes I should try to fly!
But doubt remains and I would not bare
taste happiness and then have nothing to spare,
instead of emptiness and grief, I would only care
for unhappiness and tears. Hollowness would be rare.
But is this good or is this bad?
It’s just a slightest different way of being sad.
I could run away from this, but I’d be mad
‘cos some lights are glimpsing and I’m not glad.
But I can feel and this sky just shows
that there is still a sun and it still glows,
the sea is so alive and the tide gently flows,
arriving and leaving taking what there grows.
Fighting with and against my thoughts and control,
I wave in roads searching for one goal,
I have images and my mind seeks my soul
that keeps escaping and in my front roll.
Now I decide, I scarily stop and then I miss
all you could give me: just a word or even a kiss.
I don’t know what I hope, maybe real bliss
to be able to cope with life, facing the abyss.
We know that nothing is just right or totally wrong,
we can only face life and try to keep on strong
‘cos on the other side is another person with a long
river of complex reactions composed in a beautiful song.
I hear those sounds and I cannot sleep at night,
the fear and arousal make it wrong and make it right.
I dreamt of love in a solitude happy flight
but I woke up with your look on my sight.

Outubro de 2001